just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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