I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
