ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
