I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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