Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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