There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
