There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
