I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize