i wish my penis had a tongue
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
