I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
