So drunk its hurt
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
