In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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