I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How does it feel to date your dad?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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