is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
