turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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