Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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