you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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