did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
