That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
