Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
