I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
