Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im holly from the hills drunk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
