i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize