U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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