I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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