The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Someone shattered a urinal.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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