I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
