____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
