It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
