You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
