No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
