apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
