dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
