drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
