Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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