Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
