Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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