im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
