I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
