hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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