He kissed a someone with a penis
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
