Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
