Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
