Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
