and she was petting her beer can
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
