It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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