He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
50% drunk capacity currently
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize