Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
