He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
