So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
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