She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize