apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
