i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
