After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
