It was confusing and full of hummus
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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