Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So many bounce houses so little time
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You pole danced in your parka.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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