the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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