I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
