Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize