Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
