this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Bring me that man meat
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
