I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
