windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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