My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
