I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
soo... how was my night?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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