dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
