i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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