her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
