I need help removing her.
barbara walters just said penis...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
