i don't like sucking hair
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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